zooming in… deep in…

ive got this pent up anger, for some reason. for many reasons.

yesterday, while out, i saw this indian guy on crutches. at first, i shook it off as a probable sprain, a fracture at worst. as he got closer, i saw one side of his jeans dangling.

his right leg was amputated below his knee.

my palms and fingers froze. he is a young guy, probably in his 20s. he had the rest of his life ahead of him. and he had to do it without a leg. and there will be many more like him.

of course, typically, i thought that i should be grateful for everything i had. but immediately, i felt angry that even though i knew i had to be grateful, many of the times, its just never actualised.

angry, that sometimes, maybe im still petty, still small-minded, still lazy, still self-indulgent, still too full of myself…….

angry that i feel that way.

angry, that despite how much i know im blessed with everything else that i have, im still hoping for more.

i saw some land mine victims in cambodia, playing music to get some money from passers-by. some had parts of their limbs deformed, some no sight.

was that all there is for them? were they going to do this forever?

how do i get more out of my life? surely, i can do more with this existence than what im doing now.

im angry that im losing meaning in what im doing now. im angry that im not doing more than what im doing now.

im angry at the fear that this might be all i ever do……

im angry at the insecurity im feeling..

im just angry, that after this is over, i’ll go back to the same old way of living life….

im angry, because, this post might be the furthest i’ll ever go with my pent up anger……

Amma, guide me….

 

Log of Cambodia S-L (Day 5 and 6)

Day 5 at Cambodia.

second last day. woke up early. like at 4.30am, so that we can leave hotel early and catch the sunrise at Ang Kor Wat temple.

and the sunrise was pretty.

here was the place where everyone gathered to watch the sunrise..

the guide spoke quite a bit abt the history of Ang Kor Wat and gave us insights into alot of information. was good. we walked on and saw the insides. and seriously, the pictures dont do good… its marvellous how this was built, as were many other architectural monuments built during those days.

marvellous scenery..

as we left the main temple, we saw a bunch of monkeys. here’s one of the students going as close he dares to take the pic.

along the way to the bus, we saw this group of ppl gambling.

the second temple we went to was also incredible. see these huge boulders of rocks…

see this tree that is so old that it needed support…

a story told of this tree, whose roots weaved through the boulders when still small. then over time, the roots grew large and hard, and broke the boulders apart. now, pipes and steel pillars are used to support some parts of the temple, to prevent it from collapsing.

after the temple visits, we headed back to the hotel to check out. so, here’s my hotel room for the last 4 nights…

enroute to phonm penh..

stopped for ice cream on the way…

on our way, our tour guide stopped us by this place where they sold fried crickets and some other water bug… yep, gross.

but Goon bought 1 cricket. Ist said he’ll try one leg.. eeeeeeeeeeeeee

then Goon bit off the head of the cricket. and said it was crunchy. Ist said, it tasted plain. others commented abt it tasting like chips…

“its your last chance… you want the remaining half?” Goon asked me…. and for a moment, i was actually considering whether i should give it a go… but alas, i couldnt muster my courage… and then i heard our tour guide chew the remaining half, crunchy sounds coming out of his mouth… eeeeeeeeee

we got off half way and took horsecart rides to a village that was supported by NGO. we paid for rice and donated 5kg rice packets to 28 households.

we entered the village.

and we saw this well that was funded by SGH singapore.

here’s a shot of how the house looks inside.

reached phenom penh at night. had dinner. some girls had fever and we were quite worried for them… but at least we brought them to see doc…

Day 6 at Cambodia

the cityscape at the capital of cambodia..

we went over to the genocide museum and then over to the killing fields, and i think that requires a post on its own..

more on the killing fields and genocide museum later.

thereafter, we went over to the Russian Market, just like a basar… nothing much to shop there. the only exciting thing that anyone bought was EdW who bought a rubber band gun. haha…

headed straight to airport after that.

i really appreciate out cambodian tour guide, who stayed with us throughout. planned the itinerary. suggested improvements to our plan. suggested ideas. made the trip a whole lot more meaningful…

i’ll put up his namecard. he’s a good and trustworthy tour guide, who sees meaning in sharing his country’s story and history. worth engaging.

Thanks Tek for being with us.

landing in singapore, heaved a sigh of relief again. all safe. no major casualties. all of those who fell sick have recovered. so thats great.

another great service-learning trip. with quite a bit of follow ups to continue..

 

teenage life: then and now

so some of us were discussing something serious, when we said, “we wouldnt do that… the kids now are so different.

so as we drifted off to talking abt ‘last time’…….

THEN
how high socks were THE FASHION STATEMENT OF THE YEAR. we’d wear socks as high up till just below the calf muscle. thats for sch. for shopping, J-Pop was the in thing then. though i wasnt a j-pop fan, high socks were everywhere. ppl wore socks as high as just above the knee, with a small ribbon on the outer side.

NOW
from what i remember, from the time that our batch left JC, many RJcians started wearing ankle socks. soon after, alot of elite JC and sec sch students started wearing ankle socks to give the sporting look. and then ankle socks caught fire. everyone everywhere had never heard of the time when high socks were in fashion. i remember telling my babies this in sec 2, and they gave me this face which said, “what planet were you from? such ugly sense of fashion!” haha

THEN
mid-ribs were at the height of the fashion statement then. it was ridiculous. you could see girls everywhere, in really short tops, in a slightly high waisted pair of pants/skirt. and then, the tops became longer. long, just enough to stop, just before the pants/skirts start. 

NOW
mid-ribs are unheard off. instead, the tops are so long, ppl cover their butt with their tops! and wear it with leggings, which i personally cant stand, cos in my impression, leggings are things aunties and grandmothers wear. but hey, im not from this generation.

THEN
remember cross-colours!?!?!?! haha… anyone from that era, would remember. that was like the punk-iest street wear ever. no guy was ever ‘in’ if he didnt own a pair of cross-colours pants. the most famous brand for cross-colours? ALIEN WORKSHOP!!!! aaaaaaaahahahaha….

(for those from this generation who dont know what cross-colours is: a pair of pants is divided into 4 parts, front back top bottom. so you’d have 2 colours alternating with these 4 parts)

and then there was the baggy pants. cos hip-hop was the ‘in’ culture then. everyone wanted to behave like they were break dancers. at orchard mrt, above, you would see ppl just trying to show some moves now and then, cos you know, they obviously had nothing better to do then to dance at such a small cramped up space.

btw, the pants were so loose and low, ppl had to get nice undies, just in case. if you know what i mean.

for girls, it was all abt hipsters. bell bottoms, and hipsters.

NOW
cross colours? huh??? whats that? you see, cross colours were like, urgh! out went ALIEN WORKSHOP! in came Levi’s. more ppl started buying Levi’s and now, there’s this other ridiculous thing called skinny jeans, which i seriously cant stand.

anyway, pants remain just as low, for most part of the era.

THEN
77th Street was like the coolest place to hang out.

NOW
77th Street is just another street accessory shop, among many other street accessory shops.

THEN
Ocean Pacific, Billabong, Stussy, Elle were virtually unaffordable. whenever anyone has any of these brands, we’d go like, “wah… she must be rich!”

NOW
everyone has something to do with either OP, Billabong. my goodness. we even have students owning Armani, Lacoste, etc……. even their socks are from Adidas.

phew………..

THEN
the boyband era meant that hair-dos were similar to those dog ears-cum-hang-by-the-side-of-the-face kind of look. almost every guy wanted to be a model-wannabe, by using his hands to run through his hair down the back of his head.

and then, beckham made another fashion statement, by playing soccer with his hair standing up right down the middle! how the heck does he do a header with such a hair-do?

NOW
if your hair isnt looking like it’s electricuted, you are out-of fashion. it’s called structured messiness.

such a long way…………… sooner or later, today’s fashion statement will become outdated. as did retro, when the pop era kicked its way in…