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When the INFP/J stresses out

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Posted by on November 1, 2016 in i-Blabber, i-Reflect

 

as the world passes by

home alone after the dive trip, and im quite enjoying the quiet to myself. so here’s some updates abt stuff.

dad went to the philippines for a month. his taxi contract was over and he wanted a break for a long time so he’s out there. he’ll be back in the next few days, i hope he was happy being away from the stresses of home and family. a few months ago, he has an A&E situation. i had to drive dad to NUH for an emergency, they suspected a heart attack, but couldnt pinpoint the cause. dad doesnt want to take the medication cos one of the side effects is memory loss. although i havent talked to anyone abt it, it kinda freaks me out. that one day dad will reach a situation where he needs to be under constant care.

mom fell and broke her knee cap a week after granddad died (aka deepavali). she’s finally back to work. for a week now. i’m so happy she’s gotten back to keeping herself busy cos i think she’s gonna lose her mind if she’s constantly thinking abt dad and bro and me, and all of us being useless ppl.

mom has started looking for brides for my brother. i dont understand how this can work, given my brother is so shy. shouldnt marriage stem from love? i dont suppose this is wrong anyway.. i mean, ppl can always marry and then love right? good luck for their search, and i hope all ends well.

about me? ive had a busy few weekends. dived this weekend. last weekend i climbed mount ophir. the weekend before i was with The SB in KL for his birthday. work’s alot better. Im not doing work on weekends. and maybe cos this is my honeymoon year, i havent been given much at work. so im happy being able to prepare and teach and mark and do the kind of stuff teachers do. (ie: im enjoying not having extra responsibilities). things are changing though. they are coming up with a staff appraisal system and etc…….. but hey, it’s work. and i might move. so, not putting too much emotion into it. and yes, ive given up the idea of a condo. it’s way beyond my pay scale. so i decided to get a HDB and move out in july next yr. the hurt my dad feels probably made him turn to my brother instead of me. i think dad has given up on me too. but hey, im hanging on!! cos i am a life worth living too!! ppl are laughing at my idea of setting up a prata-dog shop somewhere in the south pacific. i honestly wish i could at least try. i wont be getting any support from anyone, but maybe if i want it bad enough, i dont need anyone to support me. i’m fully capable of trying something, even if it doesnt work out in the end and The SB says, “i told you so”. lol!!!!! that would be funny though! seeing me man a prata-dog stall! hahaha!!

Oh i managed to find a youtube video on Anne of Green Gables!!!!!!!!!!! yayeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was so happy to watch it. it was a literature book from sec 1. i really enjoyed the movie back then cos it gave me hope that someone who no one liked could becomes someone everyone loved. 😀 i even named my diary after the name she wanted to be called; Cordelia. hahaha oh me… lol!

the world is in a mess as usual.

Nepal had an earthquake. i feel sad for the ppl living there, mostly cos adventure climbers can always go back home, but the Nepalese have to live with the conditions for a long time. RIP for those lives lost, and i hope the survivors can continue living to honour everyday.

Australia is not happy with Indonesia now. It’s like kids throwing tantrums. If it’s an Indonesian law, it’s a law meant to be followed. drug offenders if convicted get executed and no matter how much pleas are thrown in, a country can be bias and give privileges to certain countries. Although i do think that Indonesia could have given then the pardon due to fantastic reformation and gave then life imprisonment instead. but hey, a sentence is passed with the intention that it will be carried out. can’t play with the integrity of the system.

guess what! another sighting of my favourite animals in  SG waters! yay!!i havent seen them yet, but some birders happened to spot them while doing a bird survey! cool!

a plane crashed into the alps cos a nutcase of a pilot decided to commit suicide, taking 150 ppl with him. shit fellow. he will forever be remembered as an idiot. 😦 sorry for the ppl who died in vain. and for the famillies that have to live with the pain of a meaningless loss of life.

oh, much to my surprise, The SB and I actually have almost the whole year planned. we’re mtg in september and dec. i wish we’ll meet for my birthday in july. cos all i want is a hug and kiss from him on my birthday. oh well…. the time will come. in the meantime, i’ll settle for material stuff. hehe…

someone’s birthday is getting celebrated in the block opposite! Happy Birthday whoever you are!!! have a blessed year!!

alright…. im off to continue with my life. so till next time!

 
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Posted by on May 3, 2015 in i-Blabber

 

i blame the hormones for the confusion

there’s so many things on my to-do list this yr and im having a hard time prioritising cos i want the ‘wants’ as much as i need the ‘needs’..

i wanna get a kayak, a house, the rest of my dive equipment, dive komodo with my man but he cant come so im wondering if i should do it another time but then im getting a really good discount for the liveaboard so i wanna go, a robot sweeper for my mom, a birthday surprise for my man that wont happen this yr cos i wasnt able to contact his housemate early enough but then again he doesnt know his schedule past the week so there wouldnt have been any point but anyway i decided i shall go next yr even though his birthday doesnt fall on a public hol next yr, a few mountains to climb in malaysia and indonesia, a weekend to plan for in KL, a june trip to see my man, a higher need to save money cos i should prioritise my house but also dont want my life to hit a standstill…………

plus i met 2 of my man’s colleagues today to collect something from him……. and a casual conversation make me suddenly feel like i might be a spoilt brat… i mean, these are ppl who are slogging it out in various conditions around the world, and here i am saying yangon is not optimal….? look at me!?!??! sigh……… just one of those days…

was gonna ask K out for a talk, but that woman has developed a fever. good! that will force her to rest!!

im blabbering…….. but thats ok. it’s my right to blabber in this space if i want to just cos i dont want to blabber to ppl abt something so mundane.

ok bye now…

 
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Posted by on February 10, 2015 in i-Blabber

 

at crossroads once again

so it’s been months since i wrote something. 

im at cross roads once again. and making decisions knowing that the future may be unstable is difficult, not to mention scary. do i change jobs? whats my job security? pay cut? same country? unfamiliar grounds? 

what considerations should one have to move countries? change jobs? what are my reasons for changing jobs? will this work out? 

*meh*

i suppose “you think too much” cant be used in a life changing crossroads right………. 

good night world. 

 

 
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Posted by on July 30, 2014 in i-Blabber, i-Worry

 

home and work in general

so many things i want to say, but they remain as voices in my head.

most of the times, im not even able to form full sentences to write abt them. they are like phantom thoughts. cant see them, but they are there, weighing me down.

staring at this empty white space when im supposed to be marking.

still dont know what to write.

oh well…………. im supposed to feel blessed that im still alive and kicking right. 😀

 
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Posted by on February 19, 2014 in i-Blabber

 

back in the real world

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i think the picture says it all. i dont particularly feel like adding to this picture.

it’ll be nice to have something to look forward to coming home, except that, all my options have ceased to exist.

it would be nice to come home and see the person i’d like to see, but that cant happen.

right now, i feel like im floating around, and am desperately trying to ‘find myself’.

i want to be in a job that gives me time to do something other than work all waking hours.

i want to be in a home and not a house.

i want to live in a place where i dont have to hear abt problems everyday.

i want many things. but i suppose i should be grateful that i have all the things i need. air, water, food and a roof over my head. it’s all a good like anyway. whatever happens happens… i dont dare to have expectations because expectations are accompanied by disappoinments. *bleargh*

 

 

 
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Posted by on January 22, 2014 in i-Blabber

 

all the shit in the world

ive been reading alot of shit news recently and its making my heart palpitate. i try to ignore it, but i know im a little anxious abt what is to come. perhaps ignorance is bliss. i would do better when i just dont know that shit is happening.

bunch of my students have been to mount stong. this guy did too, and he died falling off a slippery edge. i like trekking mountains too, and that could be me someday. and then the double gang rape in india…. i mean, it happened in a city i was in before. that could be me someday.

im not sure whats causing this i-dont-want-shit-to-happen-to-me phenomenon. frankly, i dont know if im anxious because i feel sad that shit ppl exist or because these shit ppl might get to me. it’s probably the latter. murphy’s law is real. it’s just a matter of time before my luck runs out and shit gets to me.

recently saw a video on first world problems. and a boy says, “i hate it when i tell them no pickles and they still give me pickles” and the boy’s face says, “give me anything, i’ll eat it”. ppl have no food or water in the world! thats the shittiest shit! no house, no roof, no comfortable toilet. children are bring killed, raped, forced to beg, made into prostitutes. generations are affected from chemical pollution. ppl want each other’s possessions. no one is happy with what they have. its never enough.

*MEH*

and it doesnt help that my man is a million miles away and is completely unaware that i think shit is going to happen soon and i cant see him look at me and say, “you’re thinking too much”…

*MEH MEH*

 
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Posted by on December 29, 2013 in i-Blabber

 
 
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