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expat wives

28 May

started googling about expat wives being jobless, and saw a bunch of posts.

2 weeks of my job left. also means 2 weeks to becoming ‘the expat wife’. my anxiety is still there, but im trying to sweep it under the carpet. whenever i feel something brewing, i just keep quiet and not respond. i am a work in progress, i suppose this is the next stage i need to navigate. reading and talking to people who went through this is helping me a little.

one person wrote, “When your husband just goes off to work and the reality of his days hasn’t changed much, and you are left to navigate a new place, with no mates, whilst coming to terms with the numbing realisation that you are no long sitting in board meetings, you are sitting on the sofa feeling bored at the prospect of yet more laundry…”

i can’t imagine what my days will be like when I dont have work to occupy me. suddenly it’s like “what do i do with my whole day?”

which leads to stagnating. not growing. one person wrote, “My husband is doing incredibly well at work and of course I am proud of him and know that by making this move I have supported him as best I could. But what about me? While he learns new skills, receives praise from senior figures and climbs the career ladder, I stagnate, wondering what I could have achieved if I had only been given the opportunity.”

then you start losing yourself. when you meet people, they ask, “so what do you do?” now it’s almost shameful to say, “i’m not doing anything”, no matter how sugar coated it is. in saying, “i’m not doing anything”, it voices in you that you’re not significant, you’re not contributing to society, let alone to personal growth. you are exist, as someone’s wife. you exist as a person who doesnt have the right to stay in that country if not for the husband. you exist because your husband exists. this post about being an independent dependent is a reminder to keep fighting to be independent, in whatever way you can.

i remember the days when i was still independent in the relationship, perhaps too independent (when we were going through the long distance phase for 4 years). so now it’s time to find something for myself again.

leaving singapore, I already had identity issues. in singapore, i was volunteering, weekends were busy doing something with nature, good group of friends. moving to yangon, i lost my volunteer opportunities, and most people just got drunk most of the time on weekends.

now it’s a new chapter. So it’s time for a mindset review. all the blogs i read talk abt using this free time to find something meaningful. i’ve spent all my days working, such that travelling was my meaningful thing to do when i had time. not that i’m not earning, travelling is not in the equation. i need to find something for myself once again, to not lose myself and to remember that i can get through this.

 
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Posted by on May 28, 2019 in i-expatwife, i-Reflect, i-Worry

 

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