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Dear Me,

27 Nov

you’ll be home in 10 days. this first 2 semesters here have opened your eyes to lots of things. ideas, opportunities, openness, giving yourself a chance to experience the world…

studying here has taught you how not to teach when you get back to MOE. perhaps feel teachers at lower levels are more important to spark off interest in a subject matter. by the time you get to higher levels of education, students already know what they are interested in and teaching is not the priority of researchers. its all abt how many papers one can publish and how well you write your bullshit to get more money. but, every job has its minuses and thats just part of it. those who can deal with it stay in it, those who cant, dont. i guess you’ll still be happy to go back to teaching cos regardless of the nonsenses your bosses threw at you, your students were still the focal point and you still felt you made a difference, in some small way. imparting knowledge is something very high order, is it not?

anyway, regardless of whatever dissatisfaction you’ve experienced here over subjects and modules and the way they carry out the program, be glad that you’ve had a good break from teaching, such a good break away from home, having had the chance to do your things, re-sort your thinking, be yourself, and discovering many paths. do you feel refreshed? its important to live without regrets and i hope you realise that…

you’ve met some nice ppl. it’s time to say goodbye to some. but remember that ppl come and go. and everyone makes an impression in your life. so learn from them and dont be sad when they leave.

you’ve had quite a hard time trying to figure out matters of the heart in the midst of a very stressful 2nd half of the 2nd semester. learning how to be in a rlnship again, after 12 yrs, must have been challenging. arent you lucky The SB was patient and made the transition so fluent? despite all the brain vs heart struggles. or rather societal expectations vs own ideals questins. “Sometimes climbing up the rock wall isn’t the biggest challenge. Sometimes letting go to come back down, to admit its time to start over, to say the past effort needs to be let go, is harder.” but this semester has seen you realising that you dont need to forget the past. you just need to let it go and learn from the experiences. perhaps, things always end up good; and if its not good its not the end yet. cos “Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know” Pema Chondron. so whereever this journey brings you, be glad its happening. cos you should never regret anything that made you smile.

you are almost done fixing up your plans for the next 3 mths. but your next 10 days are going to be so important! you need to pack your bags, and thats not going to be as simple as packing for a holiday trip. do you think you’ll miss this Ghost Town when you are back in the hustle and bustle of SG life? maybe the excitement of SG food will make you forget this Ghost Town. it might be weird going back home to face your family. but you’ve grown adult enough to accept that while your parents may not be all that lovey dovey, they still love you and care for you, and perhaps in some obscure corner of their hearts, maybe for each other too. relationships dont always work out and shit just happens sometimes, but that doesnt mean you should stop hoping for a fantasy life. whats life if there’s no hope right?

you still have work to do, but you have gotten thru everything that came at you once. this is nothing. you will be able to handle this. remember, one day at a time. keep smiling and keep persisting. the end is near. have fun meeting your friends and students when you go back to SG. remember to spend time with your family cos they miss you.

Love,
Me

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Posted by on November 27, 2012 in i-Typical

 

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