its weird actually. i always thought ive grown out of celebratory events like Deepavali. afterall, stuff just became customary and visits to relatives houses became more of a “i bought this new display cabinet and all the stuff in there are new too” or “yea, we thought our 1-yr old sofa was looking haggard. so we bought a new one” kinda thing. i mean, what was the point of pretending to be all friendly and nice when meet ups were just for formality sake…
it had been 12 yrs since i stopped going for family gatherings for Deepavali. it was one of the things that broke my family up. they couldnt stand having to answer ppl why i wasnt there. and why wasnt i there? cos you know. i remember the first time i refused to go, dad and mom quarrelling abt me, bro was helpless and stood there. i was in my room and refused to come out. to be frank, i was the reason why my family conditions over the past decade turned out bad.
but on Deepavali day, we’d still go to the temple, mom still made all the savouries, and i still loved having special food to celebrate the occasion. mom always never wanted to break the tradition.
while in SG, i’d dread having to go to gatherings, where we put on fake smiles and fake shows of concern and fake interest in each others lives. maybe its just me missing all things Indian at the moment. but, yea… this first deepavali away from home makes me feel a little sad. im sure my mom misses the only other female in the house. and i definitely miss dressing in Indian ornaments….
well, it’s exam tomorrow and i should get back to revision.
Wishing all Hindus Deepavali Valthukal!