the egoistic me

16 Aug

i had a really lousy day today – all i could think abt was why i scored that low in that report, in addition to my inability to stomach an insulting comment, “i suggest you take up scientific writing courses”. that was a slap on the face. and for an adult who has had numerous ‘well done’ reports, that was like being wrongly accused.

several things went well today too. had a nice relaxed lunch with a friend, had a good discussion with my sup, had a nice chat with the same friend over a ‘posh’ dinner.

back home, an argument discussion ensued over my pissed-off-ness with that comment. and they thought i was egoistic. “it was just my pride standing in my way of seeing what was” they said.

you are damn right i am. i am too egoistic to submit a report that would be so bad that would require someone to say, “i suggest you take up scientific writing courses”

i had not felt that much blood rush to my face. i was angry and i could feel my cheeks burning. i was not happy. and i was not happy with 2 other ppl telling me i was egoistic.

and having an ego is not necessarily bad…. you have to believe you are good enough to aspire to achieve more. you have to believe that you can do it. you have to. humility on the other hand is just as important in learning. but you have to have that believe that you cannot fail (your expectations of yourself) – thats ego. i know im good enough.

perhaps its not anyone else’s fault. i just have high expectations of myself. i know im better than that. and i dont believe i deserved such a comment. that woman hasnt seen any of my other reports, so maybe this one was bad. i already knew it was disjunct. i knew i rushed it. perhaps i just cant accept getting a below average grade.

i guess i just have to learn the difference between my ego and my opinion.

so, now, i just have to get back on track by nailing the last 50% report. i just have to be fantastic. i know i can. cos i may not be the best, but i know im good enough. i can do this.

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Posted by on August 16, 2012 in i-Angry, i-Learn, i-Reflect


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