as the date approaches, i cant help sense a feeling of doom. no, im not depressed. and everything on the aussie side is settled. but still, you know…
as of last night, the weather report in my tummy is as follows:
lightning risk: cat 5
Wind speed: swirling at 100kn
flood: potential risk of hitting heights at mouth level
so i spent a while wondering why im so freaking panicky abt leaving, and all along i thought it’s because i was worried abt being all alone in a foreign land. but you can always bank on a good night’s sleep to clear your mind and make you realise that the apprehension is because you dont want anything to happen to anyone you love while you arent around.
mom made chicken curry last night, as per my request, and while it wasnt her best, all i could think of was that someday, i might never get to have her cooking my meals.
would it be too selfish of me to pray that i die before anyone else i love dies?
this whole week has been great. mom’s been smiling, ive not argued with her, things are light hearted at home. and i know that, while we arent the kind of family that openly expresses our love for each other, we do things that are symbolic. honestly, i think things are going to be more strained at home while im not around cos no one talks to each other without going thru me. well, except mom-bro.
so, a visit to 2 temples in the morning made me sit in devotion, where i thought of Amma, and said, “you know everything.”
so while everyone is blessing me to stay safe and pray that nothing untoward happens to me while im away, im praying that nothing untoward happens to my family while im not around.
Dear Amma, please be with them.
(ps: and in the event something does happen to me while im there, i just want to say that i love my mom very much, i wish my bro all the best and i hope my mom and dad can find happiness.)