it isnt the usual the monday blues that start almost right after dinner when we know that monday = work and work.
this time its different. i am feeling a little sick, since i got home from sch past 10 last night (again) and then got fooled by my mom into thinking that we needed to go out early, so i got up early. but then we only went out at 3pm. drats!
but still, i am feeling quite positive abt sch tmr. a colleague said to me last friday that i seem to have a negative vibe around me, and i replied, “im sure i do. right now, i really feel like sh*t!” on wednesday, i started having flashes of taking a rifle and shooting someone’s head. and imagine using hammers to smash someone’s head while seeing brain juices spill out. and so one student told me that i should go and play comp games.
dont worry ppl, i dont need a counsellor. i am still human, and im still normal. and today, im actually feeling quite upbeat abt the next few weeks as we embark on the start of night study, and crazy crazy revision frenzy since prelims has been brought up to BEFORE JUNE HOLS!!!!!! wahhhhhhhhhh………………….. even i feel frightened, im sure the kids feel worse! haha… but its ok, WE CAN DO IT! (and ppl, im really not sarcastic. i mean this!)
things are gonna get worse in sch. more marking, more IPs, more revision, more serious lessons in class, and more marking. but, hey, we’ll all get through it together. both teachers and students are working hard, and im sure we’ll make it happen.
my weekend was really a much needed weekend. i spent probably the whole week pissed, angry, disgusted, annoyed, disappointed. i spent saturday with 6 out of the seven of them. it was the weirdest thing sitting at the hall without knowing how to talk to them. made me feel so uncomfortable and i didnt like it. and yet i didnt want to cry, so i kept quiet. but, things got better. one had to leave earlier, so the remaining 5 of them and i had dinner, chatted over what went wrong, and made up. and it seriously made me feel better. thanks to them, i now have the energy to get through this whole year. the whole of this year. i love the seven of them. 🙂
and thanks to some colleagues who listened while i spoke my mind and to the one who sat with me during lunch while i just kept quiet.
with no regrets for speaking my mind to those who got me annoyed.
i think this week was one hell of a roller coaster ride.
but for some reason, im positive that the next few weeks, while gonna be as busy as hell, are still going to be better. ive given up on those who get me annoyed, so now i cant care less. but ive found meaning in teaching again, through the horrible reflective period on friday evening. cos i know while disappointments are part of the job, what matters is that i still do my best. and who knows, maybe ive disappointed students before too…?
but, we’ll grow together. and we’ll make it through! 🙂