times when you wish you had something you loved that was so intense that it’ll just make you fight all your sadness away. im imagining myself maybe doing boxing and sweating it out like they do in movies. but that hardly resembles me. one of my neighbours is trying to play a piano scoresheet and im just lying here in my bed staring at the wall listening to the music, waiting for time to pass because i just feel like it. something abt water just draws me in, and i wish i could join my friend on his kayaking trip this weekend… but the best i can do is to give up looking for friends interested in checking out shore birds, and just go and spend some time with myself. have some quiet around me. and just let my brain de-focus from whats upsetting me at work. maybe i’ll figure out why im still waiting for something that is pretty much hopeless. i must make my own life story.