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its a quiet parade square here…

18 Jan

i walked out of the staffroom, a staffroom filled with work work work and more work. i needed a breather and i did my usual walk out to the corridor to see kids playing in the parade square. a pity. i remembered the announcement telling students to leave the sch premises.

quite a bit of emotions were evoked today. memories of someone important telling one of my babies that he was ‘unteachable’. until now, i cannot forgive that person for thinking that any student can be unteachable. that person has no right to sit where she’s sitting now. i felt like telling right to that person, “here, my baby made it. and he made it good”.

i remember that person telling me that another one of my kid was arrogant and defiant when in fact, he was almost in tears and sorry for what he did. her assumption was uncalled for and totally had no basis. i felt like telling that person, “here, my baby made it and im so proud of him and it no longer matters what you think of him cos i know his worth”

and over the weekend, i had tears for this other kid whom i may have played a part in conditioning that he could get away with a cheeky smile. ha… small things, make a big difference. i hope he learnt that not everything in life can be ‘removed’ when things go awry.

our parents have so much expectations of us. the first time they look at the new born, all their dreams on how wonderful this child will be. how much this child will achieve. how much this child will make them proud. and i dont know, maybe many of us will never live up to our parents expectations……. i know i havent. i have a long way to go.

this place is so quiet, i just heard a bird walk past me. it had something in its mouth, so small i couldnt see. hopped over the railings of the yellow table benches, turning its head abruptly every now and then. while we often wonder how wonderful it’ll be to be an animal that couldnt really care less abt life……. i guess thats the difference between humans and animals. we have expectations of ourselves and expectations of others. and we get hurt when our expectations arent achieved.

its week 3. its the end of week 3 as i see it. because the sec 1/4/5 are having some day camp thing. and sec 2/3 are out for leadership camp. i have time to breathe and mark the stacks ive accumulated and get back on track. it’ll be the end of jan soon.

as much as im looking forward to IFAC and seeing their efforts pay off, i wonder if the kids really understand why having a CCA is important. why having an aim in the CCA is important. whether they realise that it is going through stressful moments, moments that cast doubt on themselves, moments where they rejoice after hard work, moments where they grow personally, grow into a leader, grow into an individual who has strong character and endurance, grow into a person with resilience…. where have we failed?

oh well………………… i have to learn to let go of things. maybe if i didnt put so much emotion into things, the kids will grow at their own will. if they make it, its for their good. if they dont, its their loss right??? afterall, it is their life to lead right? nahhhh, i could never do that…..

anyway, its 725pm, and i got to finish my work by 8pm so that i can GO HOME! so…… im off to work…

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Posted by on January 18, 2011 in i-Reflect, i-Wish

 

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