“ive lost faith in this system of things” i said. “almost everything is just at face value. almost everything happens only because there might be a prize at the end of it. otherwise, nothing else is important”
and she stroked me on my back with a certain look in her eyes that said ‘what can we do?’
i said the most hypocritical thing today. i spoke to a student regarding his behaviour. and somewhere in my conversation i said, “i know. that group of ppl are from all over the place and there is not sense of team. but, if you have said that you will be in the committee, you have to finish your job. its your responsibility not to quit. you have to finish the job”
he understood what i said and corrected himself. but i swear i saw my invisible clone stand in front of me and tell me to take my own advice seriously.
it sucks to be in this state of paralysis. the emotional aspect of my personality just refuses to back down and let my brain take over. to put it simply, i just dont want to do it. i just dont.
how more irresponsible can i be?
sigh….. if i could run away from this whole fake crap, i would. but…. the year still has a long way to go before it ends… and all i wish is that i do something that is meaningful and impactful and not just for documentation purposes….