T3W5 updates

31 Jul

i miss my mom… sigh…………….. she’s been away for 1 month 10 days now… and she’ll only be back around the end of next month.

its really a chore to have to look after the household.

only my bro and me eat dinner at home, and sometimes i cook. sometimes i buy back. sometimes we eat our dinner without each other. but, i just happen to be one of those who feel that we are family, we should have dinner together, despite our differences.

of course some ppl did wonder, “he’s so old already, he can settle dinner himself”.

im sure he can, but…………….. whats family when you dont even put in effort to eat 1 meal a day together? i feel….

meals is one thing. needing to do grocery shopping, given the limited knowledge i have in cooking, has resulted in me buying standard vegetables. and cooking those vegetables in the standard manner.

got to sweep and mop the house, and i really do not have the time nor the energy to do that during weekdays…. so i only do it on sat or sun. so inevitably, i put in more effort to keep the house clean until at least friday.

laundry has become my problem too.. hanging clothes, taking them back after they dry has been a disaster during this rainy season.

i dont know……….. mom not being home, having 4 important ppl visit our sch (being involved in the prep), students disappointing me has taken a toll on me. i just feel totally worn out.

on wednesday, i sensed a feeling of helplessness. felt like im not in control of anything. guess that happens when nothing much seems to be going the way you expect it to.

put in effort to revise – students dont.
put in effort in making notes – students dont bother.
put in effort to make some changes – others dont seem to notice.
put in effort to stand up for some students – well, at least this one, i got my point across.
put in effort to talk to some students – and i couldnt get through to them
i dont know – maybe im just not doing it right…

there’s just so many things you can do to convince yourself that you are still ok, until you realise that all your failures only point in one direction: that you are not ok.

currently, the only thing im looking forward to in sch is SJAB. i love working with TBL, SJAB sec 4/3s. sometimes, it feels like  i enjoy saturdays with them. they make me smile, even though there’s so many things to deal with. but still, there’s the NDP and AGI, YOG, and walkathon (which is argh) but, then finally something to look forward to at the end of the year… the SJAB ATC in malaysia…

so, might i say thats the only thing keeping me smiling in sch? thats sad….

anyway, back to the point…

i miss my mom for alot of reasons. i think this household needs her to hold the fort.

i honestly wonder how working mothers can handle family and work. there are ppl i know who have 4 children. 4… oh my, the Great Almighty!

how do you deal with 4 growing children’s needs, tantrums, wants, loves, hates and other dailies and still go to work and do your best? something has got to give.


recently, the feeling that things arent under my control has made me an uglier person. when you feel like nothing you do works, you start to think, “why bother anyways?”

term 3 week 5 – we are half way through the term. the rest of the term will go by quite fast with the common test and prelims and stuff……….

i havent been able to catch up with marking. with 2 tests for the 3NAs every week + 1 class test for 5NA every week + mock exams for 4NA every week…………. not including normal homework, my marking is piling up.

and seriously, i feel like my brain is all over the place now…

T3W5……………. 5 more weeks to go… i can get through this. i will.


Posted by on July 31, 2010 in i-Reflect, i-Sad, i-Typical


4 responses to “T3W5 updates

  1. BEE

    August 1, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    last wed sucks for me too!
    and it sucks for me still…
    is it kranji bball or is it me?
    sometimes i really feel like giving up…

    • misspegasus

      August 2, 2010 at 7:11 am

      sometimes we all feel like giving up at some point in time. but we still push on, regardless of how down we feel.

      i guess thats why we feel that we’ve been let down so many times, since we try so hard…

  2. Jie Heng

    August 3, 2010 at 1:40 am

    sometimes life gets hard for no reasons, but we just have to face it. like me, projects almost took away my life, but it’s about to come to an end. if i can pull through, i truly believe you can too! press on, miss v!

    p.s.: it feels weird for a (ex-)student to encourage a teacher LOL. but as human beings, we all need movitation, right?! 😀

  3. misspegasus

    August 7, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    thanks jie heng. yes, even adults need motivation sometimes. and for teachers, the motivation comes from students. so, ex-student or not, thanks! 🙂

    i believe its just fatigue. but either way, i know i’ll never shortchange my students. if i feel im starting to give them any less than my best, then its time i quit being a teacher.

    i hope that doesnt happen. i still havent lost hope that my 4N and 5N will pull through. i just hope they do even better than what i expect them to..


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