common test was the time where trs focused on IP coaching and finally marking when the scripts come in. this might be the most depressing week ive had. or maybe one of the many depressing weeks i’ll have this year.
so, it seems that many ppl are concerned abt me being stressed. if students ask me this, its fine. but if adults ask me this, its different. call me sensitive, but that makes me interpret it as, im incapable.
i want to have a life and i do not want to sell my soul to the school. the sch is sucking me dry. and i might end up as a dehydrated corpse before the yr ends.
frankly speaking, i do not want to leave this portfolio with ppl thinking that im incapable of handling my job scope. i have more pride than that. i want to leave because its not my interest, not because im incapable. and if it takes me another yr to prove to ppl that im more than capable of executing this portfolio, i might as well consider staying in this track.
a friend told me that my status right now is that im “just surviving”. that’s considered a little below “doing ok”. sigh…..
i just want to be a teacher who imparts knowledge. someone who inspires, maybe not all, but at least 1 or 2 students. someone who can focus on what is really important to a teacher.
and im upset that i cant do that now.
i think i deserve a break. i want to disappear from the face of the earth until im satisfied enough to show my face again.
argh……….. excel fest over. now, need to clear ITQs, AARs, Term 1 review, cambodia trip, lesson plans for CE…….
i dont even have time for my family. and that is not right…. i need to know what im doing wrong, or what im not doing…… cos everyone else seems to be able to have a smile on their faces, while ive just changed into a really sad person. and i do not want to be that person. things have got to change.