generally eventful and tiring. sometimes feeling like im not being appreciated. or being over looked. felt like you need to report everything that you do so that ppl know that you are doing all the things you are doing…. makes you wonder “why“…..
teaching was never a job i considered since young. for me, it was all just, “i want to do bio”…….. thought of research. knew i wouldnt survive, though i enjoyed every bit of it (except the writing part). would have loved to do medical stuff, forensics. but in NUS when i figured that i would go into teaching, i accepted it and developed a passion for it thereafter.
even in my contract sch in 2004, i was one of those really enthusiastic ones. i was called upon for form teachership, cca duties (soccer), SEM report writing (information which only selected permanent trs are privy to), and organised the science dept for school openhouse (even after gaining entry into NIE).
2005, NIE was fun. boring but fun. practicum was enriching. one of those enthusiastic and exciting times.
now, here at my current sch. started off with such a spark. in my first yr, i didnt even know i was supposed to have 80% workload. i was already doing more than what i was expected to do. perhaps volunteering for certain events….. i was doing SW CDC stuff, NParks stuff, Website stuff, research and much more, even with a 100% teaching load. i never felt that there was a possibility that one day, i’d run out of steam.
but, when are being stretched a tad bit too thin, suddenly, it appears that you might be reaching that point someday.
why did this week bring out so much emotions? even my students asked me why i looked angry and sad. and so i put in extra effort on friday to wear something nicer and clip up my hair and put on some compact powder and lip gloss and smile more.
yet, something else brought my mood down.
i have to keep going. facing one of the downs in my teaching life now. but ive been through even harder down times. and i came out of it. at least i know im managing better now. i know i have the strength to pull through. i must. even though ppl or students might not know the kind of effort im putting in for students, ultimately, it doesnt matter as long as they benefit from it.
though i’d like to be appreciated, im not going to claim credit for anything. im not one of those who needs to announce to the whole world how many IP coaching sessions ive conducted or how late i stay back to teach a small group of weaker students who requested for the sessions, at the expense of doing my own work. if they learn, thats satisfaction enough.
nevermind the fact that most of them wont remember who i am 10 yrs from now.
who’s to say… even i only remember 3 teachers from my sec sch and 3 trs from my JC. though i might recognise my other sec sch trs face when i see them….
i’d just be a distant memory to most students…………………
“None should ever perform virtue with a desire to gain its fruits. such a sinful trader of virtue will never reap results. Do not doubt virtue because you not see it results. Without doubt, the fruits of virtue will manifest in time, as will the fruits of sin” [Bhagavat Gita KD 245-6]